i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
