i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize