So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
