she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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