You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
