I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
