Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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