absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
