My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
