this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
