After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
