Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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