dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize