Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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