I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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