mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize