time to smoke my breakfast
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
