yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Success! We fucked roommates!
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