So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
