The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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