He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
