Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
