I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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