Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
