i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
