This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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