i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
