i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
