don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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