You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
