Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize