Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize