I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
