She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sober January is a disaster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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