don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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