i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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