He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
