I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
