I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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