You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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