I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
