Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
