Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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