I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
