thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
