my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
