Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
