Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You're like the curious george of whores
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
