No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
