Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
