I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize