It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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