It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize