Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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