hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im holly from the hills drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my poor anus
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
pray to the hookup gods
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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