I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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