You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
