At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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