it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
