I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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