I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
