ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.