Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him