i don't like sucking hair
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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