Texts From Last Night

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  (229): View more from Georgia

  my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore

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  (229): my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore http://tfl.nu/2olf
  Replies (20) Good night (3277) Bad night (683)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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  (612): I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin. http://tfl.nu/g2gc
  Replies (127) Good night (5854) Bad night (591)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6846) Bad night (1280)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete

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  (484): maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete http://tfl.nu/m91r
  Replies (10) Good night (3816) Bad night (773)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times

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  (775): My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times http://tfl.nu/d78u
  Replies (15) Good night (4120) Bad night (929)
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  (858): View more from California

  She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.

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  (858): She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/gw51
  Replies (10) Good night (3394) Bad night (1053)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks

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  (610): He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks http://tfl.nu/aq4e
  Replies (8) Good night (2307) Bad night (959)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.

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  (617): Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night. http://tfl.nu/xmy8
  Replies (4) Good night (2097) Bad night (866)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

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  (715): Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me. http://tfl.nu/2k2c
  Replies (11) Good night (2471) Bad night (742)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?

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  (717): sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that? http://tfl.nu/vb27
  Replies (34) Good night (667) Bad night (2631)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment

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  (660): The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment http://tfl.nu/9skg
  Replies (5) Good night (1012) Bad night (456)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?

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  (713): Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink? http://tfl.nu/qwz5
  Replies (10) Good night (1219) Bad night (298)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.

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  (501): You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns. http://tfl.nu/4e6u
  Replies (1) Good night (426) Bad night (187)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He yearns for your heart.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He needs to stop being a pussy about it.

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  (404): He yearns for your heart. (678): He needs to stop being a pussy about it. http://tfl.nu/dh98
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (182)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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  (614): Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month. http://tfl.nu/2n60
  Replies (4) Good night (478) Bad night (227)

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