never play flip cup with pint glasses
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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