i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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