Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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