i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
