I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
