how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
