She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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